Santa Clause Film From 1898

A Song for our Krampus Celebration

Lulu...

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/84518

The Latest Dance Craze to Wallup West Texas -- UPDATE

We're not even sure what to call this, but as you can see things are getting a bit out of hand out here in the middle of nowhere. To add to the chaos, this is the day of our annual Krampus celebration. Crazy. Update: Someone in the Black Mansion just pointed out that Shinohara appears to have taken possession of the cinnamon sports broom that Lulu was thought to have stolen during her stay here. This could mean trouble.

Holiday Advice for Lulu

So, Lulu, if you're planning to see Santa before Christmas and make your annual gift reqeusts, you might want to listen to this before going. It could save you a bit of trouble. Just sayin. Of course, the merry elf doesn't stop at the Black Mansion, but Krampus certainly does.

Poem: Toward the Winter Solstice by Timothy Steele

Although the roof is just a story high,
It dizzies me a little to look down.
I lariat-twirl the rope of Christmas lights
And cast it to the weeping birch's crown;
A dowel into which I've screwed a hook
Enables me to reach, lift, drape, and twine
The cord among the boughs so that the bulbs
Will accent the tree's elegant design.

Friends, passing home from work or shopping, pause
And call up commendations or critiques.
I make adjustments. Though a potpourri
Of Muslims, Christians, Buddhists, Jews, and Sikhs,
We all are conscious of the time of year;
We all enjoy its colorful displays
And keep some festival that mitigates
The dwindling warmth and compass of the days.

Some say that L.A. doesn't suit the Yule,
But UPS vans now like magi make
Their present-laden rounds, while fallen leaves
Are gaily resurrected in their wake;
The desert lifts a full moon from the east
And issues a dry Santa Ana breeze,
And valets at chic restaurants will soon
Be tending flocks of cars and SUV's.

And as the neighborhoods sink into dusk
The fan palms scattered all across town stand
More calmly prominent, and this place seems
A vast oasis in the Holy Land.
This house might be a caravansary,
The tree a kind of cordial fountainhead
Of welcome, looped and decked with necklaces
And ceintures of green, yellow , blue, and red.

Some wonder if the star of Bethlehem
Occurred when Jupiter and Saturn crossed;
It's comforting to look up from this roof
And feel that, while all changes, nothing's lost,
To recollect that in antiquity
The winter solstice fell in Capricorn
And that, in the Orion Nebula,
From swirling gas, new stars are being born.

Awaiting Krampus

Look out Lulu. Oh, wait. You've been quite the angel all year, haven't you? Well, since Santa skips this part of Texas we're still eagerly awaiting Krampuslauf.

Lovely Fence Bowing in the Outback

It would be lovely to have a bit of this in the outback of Texas. Jon Rose and Hollis Taylor play fences across the remote stretches of Australia.

Ode to Joy, West Texas Style

Sending this lovely tune out to Lulu on this dampish day in the Northwest. Courtesy Tom Kaufman.

Dark Surf and West Texas Dreams

 A little surf for creatures of darkness today in West Texas. In this desolate land we dream often of the breaking waves. Pondering now the blue Pacific, sending our thoughts across the this emptiness to the rolling waves. Beware the sneaker wave Lulu.

Thousand Hand Guanyin

Buddha Avalokiteshwara with Thousand arms, from the China Disabled Peoples Performance Art Troupe.

Two Diamonds Quantum Entangled

We've long had a fascination with quantum entanglement in the Black Mansion, for reasons best not discussed here. Now, for the first time, two objects have been quantum linked. From LiveScience:

Scientists have linked two diamonds in a mysterious process called entanglement that is normally only seen on the quantum scale.

Entanglement is so weird that Einstein dubbed it "spooky action at a distance." It's a strange effect where one object gets connected to another so that even if they are separated by large distances, an action performed on one will affect the other. Entanglement usually occurs with subatomic particles, and was predicted by the theory of quantum mechanics, which governs the realm of the very small.

But now physicists have succeeded in entangling two macroscopic diamonds, demonstrating that quantum mechanical effects are not limited to the microscopic scale.

"I think it's an important step into a new regime of thinking about quantum phenomena," physicist Ian Walmsley of England's University of Oxford said."That is, in this regime of the bigger world, room temperatures, ambient conditions. Although the phenomenon was expected to exist, actually being able to observe it in such a system we think is quite exciting."

Another study recently used quantum entanglement to teleport bits of light from one place to another. And other researchers have succeeded in entangling macroscopic objects before, but they have generally been under special circumstances, prepared in special ways, and cooled to cryogenic temperatures. In the new achievement, the diamonds were large and not prepared in any special way, the researchers said.

"It's big enough you can see it," Walmsley told LiveScience of the diamonds."They're sitting on the table, out in plain view. The laboratory isn't particularly cold or particularly hot, it's just your everyday room."

Walmsley, along with a team of physicists led by Oxford graduate student Ka Chung Lee, accomplished this feat by entangling the vibration of two diamond crystals. To do so, the researchers set up an apparatus to send a laser pulse at both diamonds simultaneously. Sometimes, the laser light changed color, to a lower frequency, after hitting the diamonds. That told the scientists it had lost a bit of energy.

Because energy must be conserved in closed systems (where there's no input of outside energy), the researchers knew that the "lost" energy had been used in some way. In fact, the energy had been converted into vibrational motion for one of the diamonds (albeit motion that is too small to observe visually). However, the scientists had no way of knowing which diamond was vibrating.

Then, the researchers sent a second pulse of laser light through the now-vibrating system. This time, if the light emerged with a color of higher frequency, it meant it had gained the energy back by absorbing it from the diamond, stopping its vibration.

The scientists had set up two separate detectors to measure the laser light — one for each diamond.

If the two diamonds weren't entangled, the researchers would expect each detector to register a changed laser beam about 50 percent of the time. It's similar to tossing a coin, where random chance would lead to heads about half the time and tails the other half the time on average.

Instead, because the two diamonds were linked, they found that one detector measured the change every time, and the other detector never fired. The two diamonds, it seemed, were so connected they reacted as a single entity, rather than two individual objects.

The scientists report their results in the Dec. 2 issue of the journal Science.

"Recent advances in quantum control techniques have allowed entanglement to be observed for physical systems with increasing complexity and separation distance," University of Michigan physicist Luming Duan, who was not involved in the study, wrote in an accompanying essay in the same issue of Science."Lee et al. take an important step in this direction by demonstrating entanglement between oscillation patterns of atoms—phonon modes—of two diamond samples of millimeter size at room temperature, separated by a macroscopic distance of about 15 cm."

In addition to furthering scientists' understanding of entanglement, the research could help develop faster computers called photonic processors, relying on quantum effects, said Oxford physicist Michael Sprague, another team member on the project.

"The long-term goal is that if you can harness the power of quantum phenomena, you can potentially do things more efficiently than is currently possible," Sprague said.

Lulu and the "Snipe": Enter the Labyrinth

"What are you?" Lulu asked the weirdo standing in front of the building which signage declared to be a library.

"I am what I am," it answered, pushing it's thick glasses up higher on the bridge of it's nose, "and by any name would smell the same. How do you know you really even exist?"

"Are you a snipe?"

"I am different things in different places and different places are different times," the thing answered. "You may ask me any question, my dear. I will tell you anything you wish to know, for I live in the library and have read every book therein."

"Where do we find a snipe?" Lulu asked, unsure she wanted to wait for any more answers from the weirdo.

"It would depend on the time at which one wanted to find said snipe and whether or not there is a creature, the true essence of which, could be aptly described as "snipe." For what does "snipe" really signify anyway?"

"Uh..."

"Now, if we are to accept the existence of this creature, which we shall, for the sake of this argument, call "snipe," then how will we decide which qualities are absolutely essential in order to define it's "snipe-ness," if you will? Furthermore, if we are not positive that such a thing exists could not, then, any quality at all, like chocolatiness, or blandishments be considered attributes essential to "snipe-ness?"

"Maybe we should just look in the library ourselves." Lulu stepped toward the door of the building, but the bespectacled weirdo held up his arm to bar her way.

"You must not go in there. It's a dangerous labyrinth and you will become hopelessly lost if you set foot inside to find the answers you seek and you'll have no way of knowing what is true and what is not, which is why I'm here."

"It says it's a library." 

"All libraries are labyrinths. They're the most confusing places imaginable."

"Maybe I'll take my chances."

"Oh, no. I cannot allow that. It's far too dangerous. Just ask me whatever it is you need to know and I'll tell you the answers. It's way less confusing than getting lost in there. I never allow anyone in there except for myself. But it doesn't matter since I have all the answers."

Lulu was pretty sure she'd rather try to figure out what she needed to know herself than waste any more time on the non-sense the possible snipe or not-snipe offered.

"I think we'll just be on our way," she told the creature.

"But how ever shall you find your way at all if you don't let me tell you how to find what you seek? That is just too dangerous. You'd better stay right here and listen to me, my dear."

"I guess I'll have take my chances trying to figure it out. Snipe."

"I never said I was called that," the creature objected as Lulu turned to walk away.

Get Ready for a Creepy Christmas

My Lulu, Christmas is a dark and creepy affair when one tries to celebrate it in this dreadful place.

Santa Got Run Over By a Spaceship: A Wicked Tale for Christmas (repost from last December)

Twas the morning of Christmas when all through the house Lulu was stirring quiet as a mouse. Her stocking was hung by the chimney right there so she reached up to grab it, quite unaware. Granny still snored in all warm in her bed, while Lulu went creeping one thought in her head. She wanted a bike to ride round the block and a great big cattle prod to give out a shock. So she pulled down the stocking and to her surprise the sight of nothing soon met her eyes.

"Hmmm," she wondered, "what the..."

Lulu stood there, her limp stocking hanging pathetically from her hand. She looked down at the flaccid thing and her eyes settled on her Magical Ruby Witch Repelling Bling Ring. Suddenly she understood.

The Wicked Witch of West Texas had finally done it. She had stolen Christmas. Lulu wondered where in Sugarland she had gotten such an idea.

Then a face appeared on the television screen. A familiar, wicked face.

"Well, Lulu merry Christmas," the Wicked Witch of West Texas said with a smirk.

"This is the worst thing you've ever done," Lulu yelled.

"Thank you. I was hoping you'd like it." The Witch smiled, her satisfaction obvious.

"You'd better bring back the presents," Lulu demanded.

"Ahh, Lulu, I see you continue to underestimate my capacity for pure cruelty. I don't have your little presents."

"Yes you do. Who else would?"

"Why Santa, of course."

"He would have left them," Lulu objected. "I was mostly good most of the year and half the time when I wasn't, nobody found out."

"Oh, I agree he'd have left them Lulu. If he could have," the Witch paused to watch Lulu grow even more confused. Then, "Waaaa, haaa, haaaa, haaaaa," she cackled. "You see, Santa didn't leave your presents because he is somewhere near the Andromeda galaxy right now having a lovely spa holiday with the grays."

"You had Santa abducted by aliens?" Lulu asked, letting the sheer evil of the thing sink in. "How could you? Why would you? This is Christmas!"

"No, Lulu, it isn't Christmas," the Witch answered. "I stole Christmas. Literally. You see I used my magical carpet steamer to create a traversible wormhole whereby I was able to move ahead in time and create a warp in the space-time continuum causing the entire world to skip right over December 25th. Today, therefore, is actually the day after Christmas. The good news is that the sales are still on."

"You really have outdone yourself," Lulu commented. "But you still haven't told me why."

"It involves my presidential campaign, of course. I need a running mate to soften the widespread perception that I am wicked, manipulative, phoney, opportunistic and cruel. That's where Santa comes in. People love the merry old elf and are willing to forget almost any wrong-doing when it's wrapped up in a merry populist package. Santa is my secret weapon on the campaign trail."

"Nobody is going to elect a Wicked Witch president."

"I don't see why not. They elected a reanimated flesh puppet with an evil necromancer handler as his running mate. Well, with a little help from some corrupt judges," the Witch pointed out sagely. "I see no reason why a Wicked Witch/Santa ticket wouldn't be just the thing. And I can easily hex the Supreme Court."

"Because Santa will never go along with it, Witch."

"That's where the aliens come in. I guess you don't know how persuasive they can be. By the time the return Santa to me he'll be putty in my very dexterous hands. I will then re-educate him."

"Lulu," Granny called. "Let's get ready to hit the after Christmas sales."

"But we never had Christmas," Lulu answered.

"Don't be argumentative, Lulu. Get dressed so we can stock up on wrapping paper at 75% off."

Lulu looked back at the television screen which was, once again, dark.

Lulu knew she had to do something, but WHAT? She had to stop the Texas Witch or things would never be the same. The Witch would stop at nothing to increase her power. The consitution would be turned into so much litter and civil liberties would be a vague memory. No Texas Witch could be trusted with that kind of power. Something about the whole scenario did seem creepily familiar, but she had no time to contemplate it. This was a moment for action. She sat down to think.

Then she had it. She took off her Magical Ruby Witch Repelling Bling Ring and set it down. Then she yelled, "That stupid Witch can't get me." No sooner had she made her risky pronouncement than there was a pop and a hiss....

"Well, Lulu" the Witch said, with an evil smile, "I see you finally understand the inevitability of my ascension to power. Your choice to join me before the Caucus Race is very wise indeed."

"What IS a Caucus-race?" said Lulu; not that she wanted much to know, but the Witch had paused as if she thought that SOMEBODY ought to speak, and no one else was there to say anything.

"It's a race in which everyone runs faster and faster just to keep from standing still," the Witch told her as if it should be obvious.

"But when you're running you can't be standing still," Lulu pointed out.

"Oh never mind that. Right now we have to get to work on project WW Ultra. We're going to pass out comfits with a mind control curse just before the voting. Come on." With that the Witch waved her wand and zapped them all the way to Sugarland Not-Texas.

"Here is your box of mind control comfits, Lulu. Just be careful not to eat any of them no matter how delicious they may appear, or what people tell you they taste like." The Witch handed her a tin of comfits. "They've been treated with a special extract of pure dumbness that I developed while working with the CIA. Just make sure you don't open them until I tell you."

"What DO they taste like?" Lulu enquired.

"Turkish Delight of course," the Witch answered. Lulu had no idea what Turkish Delight was or how it tasted but she was afraid to ask the Witch any more questions for fear of ruining what seemed to be a fairly good mood. Good moods are rare enough for a person who's first name is Wicked without children asking too many questions, Lulu thought. Then she realized that she was engaging in dysfunctional behavior if she let the Wicked Witch's foul wickidity dictate her reaction.

"Turkish Delight doesn't even exist," Lulu sassed, feeling quite proud of herself.

"That's the point," the Witch answered, unfazed.

"So, when is Santa going to return," Lulu asked.

"The aliens should be beaming him down any minute now. Which is why we'd better get back to real Texas, because they can't put him here after he's been brainwashed. He'd simply cease to exist, or the brainwashing would be reversed. I can't be sure which, but either way it wouldn't be good."

Lulu had no idea how she was going to undo Santa's brainwashing and get Christmas back, but she had to try. Then she got an idea. While the Witch was busy counting tins of comfits, Lulu quickly broke the seal on her tin and opened it, closing it again before the Witch saw what she had done. She had no idea whether it would work or not, but it was her only hope.

"Okay, it's time to go. Step up to the carpet steamer and we'll be gone."

Lulu did as she was told and before she knew it they were surrounded by litter. This was obviously the real Texas. She was still trying to get her bearings when there was a whooosh and the UFO appeared above them and beamed Santa down. He looked confused and disoriented.

"Where am I?" Santa asked. His red fur outfit was all disheveled, his beard stringy and his eyes strangely vacant.

"Well, I'm glad to see you're just in time to prepare for the campaign trail," the Wicked Witch remarked.

"Campaign?" Santa asked.

"Yes, now you just hand out candy and keep saying that as soon as we're elected there will be a new SUV in every driveway," the Witch instructed him. "They just want freebees and that's your gig, so make it good. Now let's hear a "ho-ho-ho" and make it merry."

"Ho, ho, ho," Santa answered in a tone too flat to convey merriness, but the Witch didn't notice, unaccustomed as she was to merriness.

"Have a comfit," Lulu said holding the box up to Santa. The Witch was busy handing out tins of comfits to her troop of flying chupacabras and took no notice.

Santa looked at the comfits like he wasn't sure what they were.

"Come on, Santa," Lulu urged him. "They're very tasty."

He took one and placed it on his tongue. The moment he did the expression on his face changed. He looked at the Witch, then at Lulu. Opening the comfits in Sugarland had worked. Santa was coming out of his stupefaction. You see, Lulu had correctly reasoned that if she opened the comfits in Sugarland, a which is an alternate universe anti-Texas, the curse on the comfits would be reversed to it's exact opposite.

He smiled at Lulu with an unmistakable twinkle in his eye and placing his pinkies in his mouth he produced a loud whistle.

The Witch turned a look of shock on her face as a sleigh, pulled by reindeer appeared in the sky. With a wink and nod up to the sleigh he arose. Lulu heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all."

"What happened?" the Witch demanded.

"I wouldn't know," Lulu answered.

"My plan, my beautiful plan. My comfits don't work..."