The Psychedelic Furs
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Oregon's Poet Laureate -- Paulann Petersen
Appetite
Pale gold and crumbling with crust
mottled dark, almost bronze,
pieces of honeycomb lie on a plate.
Flecked with the pale paper
of hive, their hexagonal cells
leak into the deepening pool
of amber. On your lips,
against palate, tooth and tongue,
the viscous sugar squeezes
from its chambers, sears sweetness
into your throat until you chew
pulp and wax from a blue city
of bees. Between your teeth
is the blown flower and the flower's
seed. Passport pages stamped
and turning. Death's officious hum.
Both the candle and its anther
of flame. Your own yellow hunger.
Never say you can't take
this world into your mouth.
Paulann Peterson
I should mention that this poor woman was also, at what was likely a low point for her, my own English teacher.
A Bride of Narrow Escape
Pale gold and crumbling with crust
mottled dark, almost bronze,
pieces of honeycomb lie on a plate.
Flecked with the pale paper
of hive, their hexagonal cells
leak into the deepening pool
of amber. On your lips,
against palate, tooth and tongue,
the viscous sugar squeezes
from its chambers, sears sweetness
into your throat until you chew
pulp and wax from a blue city
of bees. Between your teeth
is the blown flower and the flower's
seed. Passport pages stamped
and turning. Death's officious hum.
Both the candle and its anther
of flame. Your own yellow hunger.
Never say you can't take
this world into your mouth.
Paulann Peterson
I should mention that this poor woman was also, at what was likely a low point for her, my own English teacher.
A Bride of Narrow Escape
Saturday, August 28, 2010
More Than a Few Bad Ideas: Getting Killed While Ghost Hunting, or, If it Wasn't Haunted Before, It is NOW
Ghost Hunting 101: When hunting ghosts the first concern is not to join them in the realms of the dead. Unfortunately not everyone takes Ghost Hunting 101, or perhaps some of them fell asleep during that lecture.
Case in point: Local legend in Statesville, N.C. posits that on the anniversary of a passenger train wreck that happened on August 27, 1891, the sound of screeching breaks and screams can be heard at the bridge where the accident happened. Here's what happened this year:
Shortly before 3 a.m. Friday, on the 119th anniversary of the Bostian Bridge train tragedy and at about the same time, between 10 and 12 ghost hunters were on that approximately 300-foot long span.
They were hoping to hear the sounds of the crash, and perhaps see something.Instead, a real Norfolk-Southern train -- three engines and one car -- turned the corner as it headed east to Statesville, about 35 miles north of Charlotte, authorities said.
The terrified "amateur ghost watchers" ran away, back toward Statesville, trying to cover the nearly 150 feet to safety, said Iredell County Sheriff's Office Capt. Darren Campbell.
All but two made it.
Christopher Kaiser, 29, of Charlotte, was struck and killed, said Campbell.
A woman who witnesses say Kaiser pushed to safety fell about 30 to 40 feet from the trestle and was injured. Her name and condition were not known Friday night. She was being treated at Carolinas Medical Center in Charlotte.Or take this sad case:
A 29-year-old woman is dead after falling three storeys while exploring a building in downtown Toronto.
Toronto Police initially said the man and woman were looking for ghosts because they thought the building was haunted but by Thursday afternoon would only say the pair were exploring the historic, gothic-style, building on the University of Toronto campus.
Police — who have now labelled the incident “death by misadventure” — said the man and the woman entered the building around two a.m.
The pair, who were on a first date after meeting on the Internet, made it to a third floor roof and were trying to cross to another section of the building. The man successfully made the leap but as the woman tried to crawl across she fell, according to police.
“It has no support,” said Toronto Police Constable Tony Vella. “So as soon as she put her body weight on the wiring system it collapses.”
Constructed in 1875, the building was originally the home of Knox College before becoming the Spadina Military Hospital during the First World War and then a laboratory.
Succés de Scandale: Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin -- Je T'aime, Moi non Plus
Proving Andy Warhol's point, the song was attacked by international media, condemned by the Vatican, and generally despised by all arbiters of good taste and moral rectitude. Predictably, it was a huge hit. If only we could all get condemned by the Vatican.
Jane Birkin/Serge Gainsbourg (Je T'aime...Moi Non
Jane Birkin/Serge Gainsbourg (Je T'aime...Moi Non
Friday, August 27, 2010
Nightmare
"The nightmare's relationship to the suspension of disbelief is one that is explicitly forced -- a forced suspension to which one might even attribute a sort of perverse yet living poetic." Ted Hiebert
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Edison Film of Annie Oakley
Filmed at Edison's studios in West Orange, N.J. In 1894 when this was made Annie Oakley was the most famous markswoman in the world. She toured with Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show from 1885 to 1901. Annie was an advocate for women learning to use a gun, which she believed was a necessity for self-defense. In the fifties and sixties a western bearing her name starred Gail Davis as Annie. There was even an episode where she had to go up against the "Texas sandman." Sounds intriguing.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Horrible Hex Hits West Texas
 |
| Oh, noooo. Make it stop. |
We have no idea what has prompted the Wicked Witch of West Texas to undertake this heinous act, but we are suffering through a nasty vocalese hex today. What this means is that all local radio stations have been cursed so that no matter what they play it comes out as really ill-advised vocalese. We'll be investigating in order to find out what concessions might convince the Witch to lift the curse. Until then we're observing radio silence. This is enough to turn my purple prose pale pink.
Chile Roast
It's time again for a very important tradition down in these parts: roasting the Hatch chiles. Mmm.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Found One of These Guys (or Gals) in the Lounge
Seriously. It was that big. I've kept pet tarantulas, which are very nice spiders, and generally am not bothered by spiders. But these things run around, like, fast. Very creepy. I caught the thing and walked it across the street to my neighbor's yard. I was afraid the dogs would kill it. I don't like killing spiders.
Crows Work for Peanuts-- Updated
So, you have a city full of crows and they’re flapping all about doing nothing useful, making a mess and otherwise just bothering people? Joshua Klein tackled just such a problem in Seattle. He created a vending machine for crows, whereby they can bring coins and drop them into a slot, thereby getting a peanut. The crows take the job seriously, scouring the city for loose change, which they deftly deposit, making Klein a nice profit.
Update- Well, if something sounds too good to be true it probably is. Turns out the crow vending machine was a hoax. If you enjoy hoaxes, however, you might like watching the hoaxer at TED speaking about his amazing crow experiences. I wish I had a hoax like this. I'm damned jealous.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Occult Chemistry?
Occult Chemistry: Clairvoyant Observations on the Chemical Elements (Illustrated Edition) (Dodo Press)
Between 1895 and 1933 a pair of clairvoyants, Charles Webster Leadbeater and Annie Besant, decided to apply their second sight to the science of chemistry. The result was the book, "Occult Chemistry: Investigations by Clairvoyant Magnification into the Structure of the Atoms of the Periodic Table and Some Compounds." Both were students of Madame Blavatsky and were big into her Theosophical Sociecty. In the course of their studies, Leadbeater and Besant discovered two new elements: "Occultum" and "Adyarium." It may come as some surprise that chemists using more conventional methods have not been able to confirm the existence of these elements, thus proving that clairvoyants have their place in the hard sciences. More here.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Poem: One Cigarette
No smoke without you, my fire. After you left, your cigarette glowed on in my ashtray and sent up a long thread of such quiet grey I smiled to wonder who would believe its signal of so much love. One cigarette in the non-smoker's tray. As the last spire trembles up, a sudden draught blows it winding into my face. Is it smell, is it taste? You are here again, and I am drunk on your tobacco lips. Out with the light. Let the smoke lie back in the dark. Till I hear the very ash sigh down among the flowers of brass I'll breathe, and long past midnight, your last kiss.
Edwin Morgan,
Thursday, August 19, 2010
![I Put A Spell On You [Explicit]](http://ws.amazon.com/widgets/q?MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL160_&ASIN=B003Y3J5KQ&tag=kimmart29)
The Importance of Being Wicked-- Featuring a Guest Appearance by Cybil
“No, Lulu. I can’t take you to the mall,” Cybil responded. “I have to go see my dear sick friend, Goosebury. And tell your Granny I won’t be back ’til after Halloween.”
“What’s wrong with Goosebury?”
“He hasn’t decided if he’s dead or undead, Lulu. So, whenever Granny announces a holiday dinner I go Gooseburying, because he suddenly becomes extremely agitated.”
“Where is this Goosebury?”
“He lives in West Texas, of course, on a chupacabra ranch. And since the annual Halloween feast is upon us I have decided I must be gone. Relatives are awfully tiring when you actually have to be around them.”
“I want to come,” Lulu demanded stomping her foot meanly. “I want to meet Goosebury.”
“Never, Lulu. He couldn’t survive a day of bratty behavior, especially when undead,” Cybil explained. "Now, I really must go pack. I have special outfits for Gooseburying.”
Lulu watched her walk out of the room and Cybil left Lulu noticed her address book lying on the table, so she decided to find out just where this Goosebury lived. “The Menger Hotel, San Antonio,” was the address listed for Goosebury, but how, Lulu wondered did Goosebury run a chupacabra ranch at a hotel. Hotels are usually rather strict in their no-chupacabras policy. Even in Texas.
Lulu took off her bling ring and said: “I don’t think the Witch of West Texas is really Wicked.”
Smoke filled the room and sparks flew as, right in front of Lulu, the Witch materialized.
“I heard what you said, Lulu. You have some explaining to do, since Wicked has always been my name and I shouldn’t want to have any other.”
“I wanted to tell you what Cybil is up to. She says she’s going Gooseburying in Texas and I figured out where Goosebury is.”
The Wicked Witch of West Texas looked at the address. She seemed unusually cross and for someone whose first name is "Wicked" that's saying quite a bit.
“I think we should meet Goosebury, since Cybil is using him as an excuse to miss Halloween dinner.” Lulu continued, thinking about the time not so long ago that Cybil had taken her Bling Ring and tricked her into going to a horridish Wicked Witch party.
“Missing Halloween dinner, eh?” The Wicked Witch of West Texas looked very intrigued. “I say we pay a social call on this Goosebury.” With that the Wicked Witch of West Texas raised her wand and gave a little wave and off they went to Texas.
“I’m here to see Goosebury,” the Wicked Witch of West Texas told the desk clerk at the Menger.
“Who should I say is here?”
“The Wicked Witch of West Texas, of course,” she replied.
“The Wicked Witch of West Texas just went up to see him.”
“No, I’m standing right here. Unless you believe I am bi-locating or that this is another doppelganger event,” the Wicked Witch said.
“I wouldn’t know. Goosebury is in room 420 at any rate,” the man replied. “Schrodinger’s cat seems to have just gone up too.”
“Very interesting,” the Witch remarked.
“You must be Goosebury,” the Witch said to the man who opened the door. Lulu recognized this person as the Snipe from Sugarland Not-Texas, but thought it best not to mention it. The Snipe is, after all, an annoyingly argumentative character.
“Oh, no. Goosebury’s out on a wild goose chase," the Snipe answered. "Who might you be?”
“Dare you ask? I am the Wicked Witch of West Texas,” she replied.
The Snipe looked slightly terrified, which is an entirely appropriate reaction to such an announcement.
“No, that’s impossible unless you are bi-locating or a doppelganger because the Wicked Witch of West Texas is in the next room and you look nothing like her.
“If I were a doppelganger or bi-locating how would I look nothing like myself?”
“Yeah, how?” Lulu put in.
Just then Cybil walked into the room.
“Well, Cybil. Fancy meeting you here,” the Witch said, staring at her not very nice daughter.
“You must be mistaken the Snipe said. This is the Wicked Witch of West Texas.”
“Really? Wicked, eh? You don’t have your Wickidity Warrant. I dare say you haven’t even passed your Portmanteau Primaries,” the Witch stated, giving Cybil and evil look.
“What’s a Portmanteau Primary?” Lulu asked.
“You throw a bunch of words into a suitcase and by magic make them scramble up and take new meanings. Confusing meanings, if you’re skilled. Why, some of my Portmanteaus have yet to be deciphered.”
"Why would you want them to be confusing?" Lulu questioned the Witch.
"Need I explain to you, yet again, my obfuscatory linguistic strategies as they relate to Wickidity?"
"Most people," Lulu said, "want to make themselves easily understood. That's what Granny told me."
"What, my pretty, is the point of understanding things that are obvious?"
Lulu had no answer.
"Now, Cybil. About your use of the title "Wicked.""
“Well, I’m on a Goosebury, and when I am I like to call myself Wicked. That way when news of my deeds reaches Oregon, where I’m know to be quite sweet, everyone assumes the bad deeds were done by someone more Wicked, if you know what I mean.”
“I think I do,” the Wicked Witch answered. “Surprisingly Wicked of you, really. And yet I shouldn’t think that you could really call yourself Wicked. The Very Bad Witch of West Texas, perhaps. Maybe even the Quite Terrible Witch of West Texas.”
“My Wickidity is much enhanced by being in Texas. You know, they do have schools here, but luckily education has no effect in Texas. This enhances Wickidity to such a degree that when I’m here I’m really quite diabolical,” Cybil explained. “It’s all just semantics, anyway.”
“That’s all well and good, but how do you propose to get around the fact that I’m the Wicked Witch of West Texas, meaning that you can’t be, because aside from bi-location or doppelganger situations nobody can be in two places at once.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s just another type of bi-location,” Cybil argued. “We’re both here right now and no ill has befallen us.”
“Good point. We can probably do it as long as neither of us bi-locates to the same places at the same time because that would accelerate all of the particles in the known universe causing a black hole like the Large Hadron Collider did.”
“True,” Cybil agreed.
“It’s a terrible bore to have the end of the world twice in one week,” the Witch pointed out. “It’s simply not done in better circles.”
“That would be tiresome,” Cybil agreed.
“Why are we here if the world already ended?” Lulu asked.
“Nobody’s noticed it yet,” the Witch answered. “And I dare say they shan’t.”
Lulu was confused.
“I think you should actually think of another place to Goosebury,” the Witch said, turning to Cybil, “One rather similar in some ways to Texas.”
“Does such a place exist?” Cybil asked, astonished.
“Of course. You’ve heard of Alaska, right?”
”That’s a great idea. Wicked Witch of West Alaska. You can see Russia from there, and when Putin rears his head…” Cybil commented. As she did Schrodinger’s cat slinked from the inner room and gave the Witch a sly smile.
“But what about Goosebury?” Lulu asked.
“I guess he’ll have to be dead for now. Until he can be undead in Alaska.”
“There will be plenty of wild geese for Goosebury to chase. They come in from Canada as illegal aliens,” the Witch said.
“If only he would try a tame goose chase he might actually have the chance to bury one,” Cybil answered. “Can’t tell him that though. Well, we’ve quite killed Goosebury for now so I may as well go home.”
“What about the Chupacabra ranch?” Lulu asked.
“I suppose he’ll have to find a new line of work,” Cybil admitted. “Maybe he’ll start a Sasquatch Spa. Bigfoots can always use a good hotspring soak and a dead sea mineral facial. And of course, a pedicure.”
“Hot stone massage would help too. Every time I run in to a Bigfoot it’s always on edge over those cryptozoologists,” the Witch suggested as she raised her wand zapping them all back to Oregon.
“What’s wrong with Goosebury?”
“He hasn’t decided if he’s dead or undead, Lulu. So, whenever Granny announces a holiday dinner I go Gooseburying, because he suddenly becomes extremely agitated.”
“Where is this Goosebury?”
“He lives in West Texas, of course, on a chupacabra ranch. And since the annual Halloween feast is upon us I have decided I must be gone. Relatives are awfully tiring when you actually have to be around them.”
“I want to come,” Lulu demanded stomping her foot meanly. “I want to meet Goosebury.”
“Never, Lulu. He couldn’t survive a day of bratty behavior, especially when undead,” Cybil explained. "Now, I really must go pack. I have special outfits for Gooseburying.”
Lulu took off her bling ring and said: “I don’t think the Witch of West Texas is really Wicked.”
Smoke filled the room and sparks flew as, right in front of Lulu, the Witch materialized.
“I heard what you said, Lulu. You have some explaining to do, since Wicked has always been my name and I shouldn’t want to have any other.”
“I wanted to tell you what Cybil is up to. She says she’s going Gooseburying in Texas and I figured out where Goosebury is.”
The Wicked Witch of West Texas looked at the address. She seemed unusually cross and for someone whose first name is "Wicked" that's saying quite a bit.
“I think we should meet Goosebury, since Cybil is using him as an excuse to miss Halloween dinner.” Lulu continued, thinking about the time not so long ago that Cybil had taken her Bling Ring and tricked her into going to a horridish Wicked Witch party.
“Missing Halloween dinner, eh?” The Wicked Witch of West Texas looked very intrigued. “I say we pay a social call on this Goosebury.” With that the Wicked Witch of West Texas raised her wand and gave a little wave and off they went to Texas.
“I’m here to see Goosebury,” the Wicked Witch of West Texas told the desk clerk at the Menger.
“Who should I say is here?”
“The Wicked Witch of West Texas, of course,” she replied.
“The Wicked Witch of West Texas just went up to see him.”
“No, I’m standing right here. Unless you believe I am bi-locating or that this is another doppelganger event,” the Wicked Witch said.
“I wouldn’t know. Goosebury is in room 420 at any rate,” the man replied. “Schrodinger’s cat seems to have just gone up too.”
“Very interesting,” the Witch remarked.
“You must be Goosebury,” the Witch said to the man who opened the door. Lulu recognized this person as the Snipe from Sugarland Not-Texas, but thought it best not to mention it. The Snipe is, after all, an annoyingly argumentative character.
“Oh, no. Goosebury’s out on a wild goose chase," the Snipe answered. "Who might you be?”
“Dare you ask? I am the Wicked Witch of West Texas,” she replied.
The Snipe looked slightly terrified, which is an entirely appropriate reaction to such an announcement.
“If I were a doppelganger or bi-locating how would I look nothing like myself?”
“Yeah, how?” Lulu put in.
Just then Cybil walked into the room.
“Well, Cybil. Fancy meeting you here,” the Witch said, staring at her not very nice daughter.
“You must be mistaken the Snipe said. This is the Wicked Witch of West Texas.”
“Really? Wicked, eh? You don’t have your Wickidity Warrant. I dare say you haven’t even passed your Portmanteau Primaries,” the Witch stated, giving Cybil and evil look.
“What’s a Portmanteau Primary?” Lulu asked.
“You throw a bunch of words into a suitcase and by magic make them scramble up and take new meanings. Confusing meanings, if you’re skilled. Why, some of my Portmanteaus have yet to be deciphered.”
"Why would you want them to be confusing?" Lulu questioned the Witch.
"Need I explain to you, yet again, my obfuscatory linguistic strategies as they relate to Wickidity?"
"Most people," Lulu said, "want to make themselves easily understood. That's what Granny told me."
"What, my pretty, is the point of understanding things that are obvious?"
Lulu had no answer.
"Now, Cybil. About your use of the title "Wicked.""
“Well, I’m on a Goosebury, and when I am I like to call myself Wicked. That way when news of my deeds reaches Oregon, where I’m know to be quite sweet, everyone assumes the bad deeds were done by someone more Wicked, if you know what I mean.”
“I think I do,” the Wicked Witch answered. “Surprisingly Wicked of you, really. And yet I shouldn’t think that you could really call yourself Wicked. The Very Bad Witch of West Texas, perhaps. Maybe even the Quite Terrible Witch of West Texas.”
“My Wickidity is much enhanced by being in Texas. You know, they do have schools here, but luckily education has no effect in Texas. This enhances Wickidity to such a degree that when I’m here I’m really quite diabolical,” Cybil explained. “It’s all just semantics, anyway.”
“That’s all well and good, but how do you propose to get around the fact that I’m the Wicked Witch of West Texas, meaning that you can’t be, because aside from bi-location or doppelganger situations nobody can be in two places at once.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s just another type of bi-location,” Cybil argued. “We’re both here right now and no ill has befallen us.”
“Good point. We can probably do it as long as neither of us bi-locates to the same places at the same time because that would accelerate all of the particles in the known universe causing a black hole like the Large Hadron Collider did.”
“True,” Cybil agreed.
“It’s a terrible bore to have the end of the world twice in one week,” the Witch pointed out. “It’s simply not done in better circles.”
“That would be tiresome,” Cybil agreed.
“Why are we here if the world already ended?” Lulu asked.
“Nobody’s noticed it yet,” the Witch answered. “And I dare say they shan’t.”
Lulu was confused.
“I think you should actually think of another place to Goosebury,” the Witch said, turning to Cybil, “One rather similar in some ways to Texas.”
“Does such a place exist?” Cybil asked, astonished.
“Of course. You’ve heard of Alaska, right?”
”That’s a great idea. Wicked Witch of West Alaska. You can see Russia from there, and when Putin rears his head…” Cybil commented. As she did Schrodinger’s cat slinked from the inner room and gave the Witch a sly smile.
“But what about Goosebury?” Lulu asked.
“I guess he’ll have to be dead for now. Until he can be undead in Alaska.”
“There will be plenty of wild geese for Goosebury to chase. They come in from Canada as illegal aliens,” the Witch said.
“If only he would try a tame goose chase he might actually have the chance to bury one,” Cybil answered. “Can’t tell him that though. Well, we’ve quite killed Goosebury for now so I may as well go home.”
“What about the Chupacabra ranch?” Lulu asked.
“I suppose he’ll have to find a new line of work,” Cybil admitted. “Maybe he’ll start a Sasquatch Spa. Bigfoots can always use a good hotspring soak and a dead sea mineral facial. And of course, a pedicure.”
“Hot stone massage would help too. Every time I run in to a Bigfoot it’s always on edge over those cryptozoologists,” the Witch suggested as she raised her wand zapping them all back to Oregon.
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